her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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