if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
