if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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