i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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