how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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