We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
