i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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