she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's on the porch naked. Help.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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