Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
