with your own penis?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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