There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Jerry, you need to find god
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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