I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
