this boner is exhausting
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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