hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
