i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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