you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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