i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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