Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
