There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
