i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
