How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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