Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
