I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
