I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
