I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
