I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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