i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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