I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
