Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
