I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
