He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
