Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
