Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
