Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
