no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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