My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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