Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
