she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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