I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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