thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
