Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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