1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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