the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
