what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
