he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
