Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
