Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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