i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
