Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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