I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were destined to go to rehab together
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
