I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
