there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
